Gabrielle Kelly took detailed notes of this open space and Lion Kimbro offered to help post them.

 

Emily and Darryl Bouchard convened the open space.

 

Here are Emily's brief notes, in the meantime...

 

Question presented regarding the changin in gender roles adn resutling change in sexual roles (eg. dominance and submission).

 

Relationship is not a noun in the sense that it is an active process; it is not something that can be touched or sensed with the five senses

 

Without intimate communcation tools there is not relationship. Need Chemistry, Energy, Intimacy.

Match.com uses questions to help minimize the amount of conflict likely to happen in a relationship.

There are over 1040 Matchmaking sites at this time, including conscious singles adn green singles

 

Commitment = Perpetual Reciprocity; the agreement is different for every couple when it comes to commitment -- for some it is about communion, for others it is about raising a family together.

Commitment is about how to best help each other at reaching each of our fullest potential.

 

There is a new archetype of relationship...Book: The Ship that Sailed into the Living Room by Sonia ?

In relationship, peple stop relating becasue the focus is on the ship; need to move the ship aside -- because it is all about relating.

 

Shift from "need" to want or preference. Where you are in a place of choosing to be in relationship, versus needing to be with the other person.

 

When it comes to planning a future together -- use the Law of Two Feet -- listen to your hearts, and express authentically with each other, and then move forward with passion and personal responsibility.

 

Patricia offered the following: She thinks of her "partner" as her "Divine Complement" which is not to be confused with a "soul mate". This is similar to the notion of a spiritual partner, where they are in a purposeful, conscious relationship and are aware of the greater purpose to it that is bigger than the two of them.

 

In a course in Miracles, it is said that love brings up all that is unlike itself.

 

Kahil Gibran's story of the two oak trees -- illustrating the capacity for freedom and intimacy to exist together in a coupleship.

 

Water seeks its own level -- relationship as a mirror of self - which brings a person freedom from being a victim.

 

M. Williamson: it takes a lot of self love to have a loving relationship.

 

We become more fully conscious through the conflict.

Someone's quote: "We love each other at the top of our lungs!" -- as opposed to sweeping it under the rug.

 

Recommended Books: Stephen and Andrea Levine: Embracing the Beloved

John Welwood: Journey of Heart

Carolyn Myss: Sacred Contracts

 

Question arose re: people who have an earnest sexual need -- speculation about the creation of a conference exploring the multifactes of sex. Someone mentioned that a conference that explores this in detail already exists: Lifestyles

Emily also mentioned an organization called the Human Awareness Institute that explores this and many other questions in their workshops.

Someone mentioned Tantra/Margot Anand

 

---

Notes taken by Gabrielle Kelly, transcribed by LionKimbro:

 

 

(Note:  There are two Lions here..!)

 

Evolving our question.

 

Anecdote:  (Baubaua?) -- both genders are deeply confused since feminism.

 

Gabe:  Old layers of masculine and feminine that are disguised from

 

Emily:  How we would love (?) to be (yummy?) between men & women today.

  What is the story so that men & women can be together & apart in an exciting way

 

Jim:  Context:  Information age industrial age -- small versions of love, intimacy, energy which can be vast.  Blow it up with higher definitions of what is possible

 

Principle:  "Speak about the new story from the new story."

 

Stories of expansive love around the group -- from the standpoint of the new story

 

Imagineer into the future:  Its about relationships whichev(e?) part of (relab?)

 

Evolved our question:  "What does it mean to be the couple in the new story?"

 

Emily:  New version she embodies.  There's no "we" and no "need."  I need water, food, shelter.  "No we" -- when inside the we, if we are not together, the "we" is affected.  But if 2 individuals consciously choose, love and intimacy is "in-2-me-see."  I am blocked to his "I" if I am part of "we."

 

David:  Typically less attached than Emily -- gifts of understanding, u(see???) language different.  "I want" no "I need" freed me from past condition.  It felt like the beginning of the end.  "She doesn't need me any more."  "She's freed from me..."  Difficult at first.  Wave of distress slowly passed.

 

Emily:  It caused me to grow up;  Got clear about wills, bills -- it was a catalyst to the change.

 

Daryl:  We "hook" each other;  take (bcut?) & reac(h?);  now with new tools -- I just don't reach.  I am the mirror.  "Not by business she's upset."  This is "my love."

 

"That which can be possessed is not worth possession."  I am choosing to be with him.

 

...

 

Discussion:  Relationship is an active process.  A couple is a thing(s?).  "We are in a relationship."  Relating is a verb.  "Relationship" is a reification.

 

Jim:  Had been free from previous relationship -- used "e-harmony" -- the magic list.  Nothing that I really cared about was in there.  "Chemistry"  Wheres the animal her when she If I get close to her skin do I love it?  "Energy"  "Intimacy"  -- a kiss is more intimate than sex.

 

"Green single"  "conscious singles"

 

If the intimate conversation is not there -- you're in trouble

 

Expounding our ideas of chemistry, energy, intimacy.

 

Adventure has been fun -- no deal breakers so far.

 

Conv:  What's the deal breaker?  Usually expressed by "what's the deal."

 

Perpetual reciprocity.

 

The deal

 

Frank:  It's communion between people;  the point is how can we best help each other arrive at our fullest potential?

 

That breaks that deal is something which (uupedesit?).  Former partner could not have been here?

 

Anodea:  The deal might be having kids, being activists.

 

Does every couple try to find out what the deal is?

 

Emily:  The reason for her stepdaughter to get together was shared values;  They got (?) pregnant;  so he decided to stay.  What is the marriage (als?)

 

What is a conscious couple;

 

Onadea:  The archetype of relationship has been heterosexual couple -- kids -- farm -- raise kids -- transmit property (properly?).  Old story.  Situation is now changing -- in another world.  People try to keep the same archetype.

 

Are you the person who's ground fit into the half place in the narrow archetype?

 

There are so many archetypes...

 

Sonia Johnson "The Ship that Sailed into the Living Room"

 

= rules of relating

 

Relate to "(slip?)" instead of each other.  It's about relating in the present.

 

To the extreme a couple want a future dimension;  What if a younge(?) poutre (younger partner?), need to think about (far?) we.  If you put the future aside...  If you plan a future you have a stake in each other.

 

Leon (hear?) business partners create a future plan -- have to have contingency plans.

 

In (if?) relationships don't develop the contingency plans.

 

Emily:  If we get attached to the story of the plan ...  need to explore

 

If we relate to each other in the present we (deal?) is the present and the possibly changing the future.

 

Certainty (allu?) (certainly?) is very different in people

 

Frank:  No one script for conscious coupling.  Shifts are obvious:  culture has significantly shifted in last 50 years.  The archetypes shift in each generation.

 

Amy:  Looks at different kinds of couples.  Conventional couple for something.  Sentimental couple based on deep attachment.  Couple for evolution:  You have the attachments & emotions but use them as fuel for your own process.  Relationship is dedicated to the good of all.  Use "trouble" to go further.  Recognise failure as one point then you keep going.

 

Arica.org:  Oscar Ichazo's (?) work.

 

Divine complement Concept -- its not a soulmate but a spiritual partner.  Together for growth & growth of the world.  A greater purpose to it.

 

Deeper Intimacy:  Course of Miracles, love brings up eaverything unlike itself.

 

When people are conscious, can serve the planet.

 

Harvel Hendrix work called a "growth wish" -- I still want ...  But it need have nothing to do the other one.

 

"Important Discovery you are in relationship with another person."

 

"Balance between freedom & intimacy."

 

"Grown up men may not have grown up women."

 

Paul:  Law of attraction;  keep dating the same woman but in a different body -- but it was all about me.  Conscious persons make a conscious couple.  "If you really want someone to be loving on you you better be loving on me."

 

If you love and take care of yourself then other's don't have to do it.

 

Interdependence:

 

Lion could ask for what he wanted and say no, so I didn't have to second guess my man -- big load off my shoulders.

 

Social awareness ; self-love;

 

Is possible to be conscious when young;  possible to raise children to have a sense of this; is it possible to have this conversation with people who have not "tried it all" or this conversation online be useful ; young people looking for answers online.

 

Not appropriate for boomers to speak about this.

 

Relationship 101 should be taught in elementary school.

 

Stephen & Ondrea havein's (have no's? havino's?) work:  "Embracing the Beloved."

 

John Wellwood

 

Book premise is:  We are not fully conscious but to become more conscious through conflict.  Some of deepest intimacy is after conflict.

 

Karen & I love each other at the top of our lungs sometimes.

 

Lion:  A big idea, that is related & different -- HSL idea.  Immune system to get needs met.  Treating sex as a mystery, aka "The Invisible Hand," is problematic.  Conference should include conversations about sex, pornography, etc.,.  (see Lion)

 

Movies to change the story:  "The Secretary", "East of Eden," ..?

 

 

 

Introduce idea that sex is a lot more multi-faceted than we think.

 

Conversation

 

Problem with dialog regarding "one man one woman" doesn't touch the size of this pool.

 

People use "sex" for many different reasons.

 

"Lifestyles" is a conference about all different sexual lifestyles.

 

Human Awareness Institute in California -- shift in paradigm.

 

Tantric Sex workshops David (Dcuta?)

 

Frank:

 

When we remanticize or mystify sex its fraught with difficulty.

 

Old myth that there can be something bigger transferred in sex.

 

Lion:  Discussion about people's sexual needs need to be served.

 

We have demonized taking care of sexual needs by prostitution.

 

"The Man Woman Course" Moore University.  (link? sp?)

 

Co-evolutionary process and co-Intimacy (Inrunacy ?) process

 

together (togethes?)

 

Relationship "fractally deep."

 

The work is opening the heart in order to (dea? clear? deep? keep?) with the focus that comes up about someone withdrawing.

 

Quotes:

 

Bill:  "For better or for worse we got the person we deserve."

 

People are connecting (?) for a greater purpose now because of the urgency of the times.

 

Lion:  ? Follow up

 

Paul Ray are (or?) spreadout like most populations.  But one major difference -- twice as many women as men.  What can we do to increase the consciousness of men, to get them into the (cultural creatives?)

 

Answer:  Another question -- what has happened to the men's movement?  How can we revive it?  It's a piece of the answer.

 

New Warrior movement.  "The Mankind."  TribeOfMen.com.

 

Kevin Kelley quotes Joanna Macy:  "In love we reveal each other ... revelation."

 

Open relationship...

 

Frank Dunn.

Barbara Gilday.

Amy Lenzo.

Kaye Williams.

Lion Kimbro.

Lion Goodman.

Anodea Judith.

Bill Scarvie.

Emily Bouchard.

Darryl Bouchard.

 

Paul Brubake.

Jim Channoy.

Patricia Varley.

Kevin W Kelley.

Janet Roll.

Gabrielle Kelly.